Obituaries

Medardo Sanchez
B: 1936-06-08
D: 2017-12-02
View Details
Sanchez, Medardo
Jerry Givens
B: 1941-03-28
D: 2017-11-26
View Details
Givens, Jerry
Sharon Martin
B: 1949-09-19
D: 2017-11-21
View Details
Martin, Sharon
Ina Dustan
B: 1939-04-05
D: 2017-11-19
View Details
Dustan, Ina
Jesse Haddon
B: 1931-06-11
D: 2017-11-19
View Details
Haddon, Jesse
Charles O'Day
B: 1949-10-26
D: 2017-11-17
View Details
O'Day, Charles
Charles Braziel
B: 1938-02-23
D: 2017-11-16
View Details
Braziel, Charles
Patricia Barbour
B: 1937-03-05
D: 2017-11-14
View Details
Barbour, Patricia
Joyce Williams
B: 1932-11-03
D: 2017-11-10
View Details
Williams, Joyce
Larry Byers
B: 1952-08-22
D: 2017-11-10
View Details
Byers, Larry
J.D. Johnson
B: 1927-05-27
D: 2017-11-08
View Details
Johnson, J.D.
Edie Hein
B: 1943-08-23
D: 2017-11-03
View Details
Hein, Edie
Jerry Kluver
B: 1954-08-09
D: 2017-10-27
View Details
Kluver, Jerry
Geraldine Melton
B: 1924-08-08
D: 2017-10-22
View Details
Melton, Geraldine
Adan Reyes-Santiago
B: 1959-09-08
D: 2017-10-16
View Details
Reyes-Santiago, Adan
Michele Wooster
B: 1950-11-27
D: 2017-10-15
View Details
Wooster, Michele
Ralph Koontz
B: 1930-04-24
D: 2017-10-15
View Details
Koontz, Ralph
Brian Miller
B: 1978-02-17
D: 2017-10-07
View Details
Miller, Brian
Alice Rhymes
B: 1942-12-06
D: 2017-10-06
View Details
Rhymes, Alice
Jacinto Pachuca-Cardona
B: 1948-08-17
D: 2017-10-05
View Details
Pachuca-Cardona, Jacinto
Ruth Hart
B: 1924-12-21
D: 2017-10-02
View Details
Hart, Ruth

Search

Use the form above to find your loved one. You can search using the name of your loved one, or any family name for current or past services entrusted to our firm.

Click here to view all obituaries
Search Obituaries
410 Monmouth St.
Independence, OR 97351
Phone: (503) 838-1414
Fax: (503) 838-6165

Ending Denial and Finding Acceptance

Acceptance is the very first task in your bereavement. Dr. James Worden writes that we must "come full face with the reality that the person is dead, that the person is gone and will not return."

This is where a funeral can be very important. Traditionally, the casketed body of the deceased is at the front of the room and guests are invited to step up to personally say their goodbyes. Part of stepping up means seeing with our own eyes that death has actually occurred and that actualizing is an essential part of coming to accept the death. Yet, the tradition of viewing has eroded over time with many families today choosing cremation and opting to hold a memorial service after the cremation has taken place. The focal point of the ceremony becomes the cremation urn, holding the cremated remains or ashes out-of-sight and making the reality of the death less evident and the road to acceptance less clearly marked.

Acceptance May Seem Out-of-Reach

For many, acceptance means agreeing to reality. Most of us, when we lose someone dear to us, simply don't want to agree to it; we actually have an aversion to agreeing and accepting. So, let's use a different word - try adjustment, or integration. Both words focus on the purposeful release of disbelief. Someone who has integrated the death of a loved one into their life has cleared the path to creating a new life; a pro-active life where a loved one's memory is held dear, perhaps as a motivating force for change.

It does take time. In Coping with the Loss of a Loved One, the American Cancer Society cautions readers that "acceptance does not happen overnight. It’s common for it to take a year or longer to resolve the emotional and life changes that come with the death of a loved one. The pain may become less intense, but it’s normal to feel emotionally involved with the deceased for many years after their death. In time, the person should be able to reclaim the emotional energy that was invested in the relationship with the deceased, and use it in other relationships." 

Whatever you call it, this essential part of mourning is what allows us to live fully again. It allows us to step out of the darkness of mere existence and back into the sunshine where life is sweet again. Of course, it's a very different life than the one you had before your loved one died.

Sources:
Worden, James, Grief Counseling & Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner, 4th Edition, 2009.

American Cancer Society, "Coping with the Loss of a Loved One", 2012



 

365 Days of Healing

Grieving doesn't always end with the funeral: subscribe to our free daily grief support email program, designed to help you a little bit every day, by filling out the form below.

52 Weeks of Support

It's hard to know what to say when someone experiences loss. Our free weekly newsletter provides insights, quotes and messages on how to help during the first year.